believed by American Indians to give its owner good dreams.

I think I might need it...

Coz I want to catch my dreams..

I want to migrate..

I want to have a good job, and finally settle down..

Where there will be just me and my small little family..

I want to chill with my S.O drinking hot drinks..

Either tea, choc or coffee..

with homemade cakes or cookies..

while watching our kids playing at the backyard..

Oh I haven't bake anything since I'm back in NZ.. :(

I want my kids to love animals..

So we might adopt cats..

I want to lead a happy lifestyle, and follow my S.O to gym

or we can stroll down the park together with our kids..

I want our kids to cry, when their Dada needs to go somewhere,

and hug him tight, when their Dada is safely back home..

I want to have a decent dinner, and full up my S.O and the kids with my homemade food..

The food that I've been learning to make since ages..

Just for this..

But... I wonder..

Is that possible?

I can't even see the future..

I can't even see the hints..

or even one bit of it..


Maybe the life that I dream of..

Is not meant for me..?

Its hard you know..

To find someone to love..

and to be loved..

to start again, the new journey of relationship..

To give your heart, and to take his heart..

To make him see your bad, and for you to accepts his..

To slowly give your trust, and also takes his..

To put your ego away, and second yourself..

So your small little family will always be first..


Do you know what is the hardest part?

To love someone without them knowing..

To hold them in your heart since ages ago..

To see them in relationship, while your heart ached..

To see them in pain from heartbroken, but you can't be there..

and the worst is, to see them with another person..

Your heart sank..

You cursed them in silent..


You can't do anything..

Coz you never talk.. You never text..

You never had the chance to tell them..

Coz you're so afraid, that the dream you held,

will be crushed in a blink of an eye..

It's too painful..

That when you should pray for yourself, family and friends,

instead you begged to God to wipe out the feeling..

you cried to God so that He can make you better..

you plead to God so you could forget them..

Because it is too painful,

you blocked them everywhere..

in media socials..

in public..

you avoided them..

but it doesn't even matter,

coz they never knew you existed..

so in the end, you're the one that kept on looking for them...

and till now..

you still beg to God...

to replace them with someone better..

you ask from God..

to help you move on..

Instead, your love grew stronger..

and the pain gets more intense..

till its hard to breath..

and till forever, you just remained as nobody to their eyes...

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