Followers

I was on FB scrolling down he newsfeeds.. then I saw this post, it was damn long but worth to read! I can feel warm liquid draining from my eyes rolling down my cheeks.. So I want to share this post in my blog.. because this is exactly how I feel when I'm in relationship but you have to end it... Happy reading... 



To whom it may concern.

I thought you were the most beautiful thing in the world.

I never imagined you and I, out of all the people in this world, would go through something so devastating as we did.

We created the most beautiful memories. We climbed all the way to the top together, only to slip and fall as soon as we got there. And though I may have contributed to that fall, I tried so hard to hold on to you.

My heart shattered into a million pieces. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t save us. I couldn’t undo what had been done, and I let you go to find your true happiness.

All I ever wanted was my own family. Every day, I dreamed of falling in love with a woman, getting married, buying a beautiful home and one day bringing our own little bundle of joy into the world.

I guess it goes without saying that you made all of that feel real for me; you helped make most of those dreams come true. I wanted nothing more than to be the best husband, a romantic lover, the most selfless provider, a strong protector, and one day, the world’s best dad.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I loved you so much. All those things I wanted to be, I couldn’t imagine with anyone but you.

Our life together - it was like paradise. We ran carefree in this theme park we call life. Holding each other’s hands, we laughed, cried, loved, and we were in awe of everything we experienced. We were children with dreams, and together, we thought about the day when all of ours would come true.

Eventually, though, those roller coasters stopped. The music died down, the lights shut off, and our magical journey came to an abrupt halt.

You were gone.

Suddenly, everything that was so familiar about life felt so foreign. I was lost without you. All I had left were my memories and dreams of us that I knew would never come true.

There are a few things that I never had the opportunity to tell you...

Every time I called you, I looked forward to hearing you answer the phone. You would say my name in this voice that sound so innocent and so loving. And it never changed. It always reminded me of the beginning of our relationship and all of the reasons I fell in love with you. Who would have thought something so simple could be so powerful? It’s what made you unique.

Remember all the times you yelled at me when I was looking at you? You’d ask me why, and I would either laugh or get angry. You know what? I looked at you because I thought you were the most beautiful thing in the world. I didn’t care what you were wearing; whether you had makeup on. I’d look at you and get lost in your laugh and your smile. Whatever flaws you believed you had, I loved how you’d look in the mirror and always suck in your stomach; how you always analyzed every picture we took together and made me delete them, nine times out of 10; how you’d pace around on the phone when you were nervous. Or how about how you loved to be on video? I noticed everything. But I loved it.

How about your birthday, when we arrived at the store and got the fine pair of shoes, only to find out it was made for men. Yet you still want it and use it until today because it was given by me. I still remember when you fall asleep in one of our journey. I kept thinking about getting to marry you one day and having the opportunity to experience that moment over and over again. You looked so peaceful, and it reminded me of the responsibility I had to protect you, always.

I will never forget picking up the phone and answering you, asking me to get ready and meet you at our favorite place so we could grab dinner. It was spontaneous, I know, and in hindsight, not very well-planned. I didn’t care, though.

I wanted to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me, and I guess I just couldn’t hope for anything anymore.

Your book had been sitting in my room for three months in its green cover. Every time I looked at it, I would think back to that day in KLCC bookstore when I first laid eyes on you.

I thought about us being kids, not having anything but each other. I thought about the dreams we shared, and how I was so ready to spend the rest of my life with you. You helped shaped me into the man I was becoming, and this was a representation of my love and appreciation for you.

You were my best friend. I wanted so much more for the both of us.

Sometimes, though, we have to accept the unexpected.

Our worlds need to fall apart, so we can put them back together the way they were meant to be.

There’s nothing more important to me than your happiness, and knowing you have that means the world to me. Our lives took different paths, but that can never take away from the memories we shared.

As for me? I’m happy. I’ve found peace. I am busier than ever with work, I found a new passion with writing, and I’ve been rebuilding a life that was once in a million pieces.

I still dream of having a family. I still dream of holding my own child. Of course, I still dream of falling in love and finding my true happiness.

I’m much of the same Zailee you knew, but so much different.

You see, too many people live with hate in this world. Those same people live with anger and fear.

I’m not one of those people.

I’m disappointed we never got to finish writing our happily ever after, but I’ll never be angry. I’ll never hate you, and I’ll never be dishonest about my emotions. God gave me this amazing opportunity to love. It brought me to so many beautiful places, taught me so much about life and gave me memories I’ll cherish forever. How can I ever be angry about that?

I want to say thank you. Thank you for all the awesome dates, fun food, and for making me think this is what love truly is. I do not want you thinking this was all a facade, I really did believe it was love.

But, I want to thank you for teaching me how to love. I learned a lot about myself in this enduring process. I learned that I am a loving person deep down, when originally I was a “no feelings” type of guy. I learned that I have the capability to love, and it takes a lot to bring it out. I learned I am a very caring person, probably too caring at times, but I care a lot about people who care about me. You taught me to be open and say what is on my mind, sometimes good and sometimes bad.

You taught me how to argue and to watch what I say. Sometimes I wouldn’t have a filter, but I learned to be careful with my word choices because you shouldn’t hurt the ones you love.

I also learned that not everyone loves like I do. I can’t force anyone to love and care like I do. Everyone loves and cares differently, and I need to find the right person that I am compatible with.

You also taught me that sometimes love is about letting go. But just like the seasons, people change. You were no longer the person I thought I loved, but you became someone I had to try to change.

I learned there is a difference between possession and love. Company doesn’t mean security and attention aren’t contracts. I learned the value of myself, and that I am way better than I ever thought I was. It took me a while, but now I can look in the mirror and be happy with myself and be so free. I am no longer a chained down soul, but a happy person that I know deserves better.

To your parents, sister, brother — tell them I always loved them as if they were my own, and I’m sorry if I never lived up to their expectations. I knew how much they loved you. I knew what kind of man they wanted for you, and God knows, I did everything I could to make sure I was just that. You are a good sister and a great daughter. One day you will become a loving mother. Another qualities that makes me adores you until this moment.

And finally, to you — I’m sorry for anything I may have ever done to hurt you. More than anything, I wanted to spend forever with you by my side, and to one day add our own little peanut who would join us for the ride. Everything I did in my life was to ensure yours would be all you dreamed it to be. I wanted to give you the world.

Unfortunately, I fell short.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have held you tighter during our first date and picked a movie that never ended.

I’m not perfect, and I never want people to think that I am. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve done things I’m not proud to admit, and I’ve made decisions I wish I could take back. But I loved someone with every bone in my body, with every beat of my heart, and every inch of my soul. It wasn’t perfect, but I know for sure I loved with everything I had; I loved in such a way that your happiness was always mine. And I’m thankful for that.

I once told you I wish I could put into words how much I loved you and share it with the world; here’s my best shot at that promise.

Losing you may have been the most painful experience of my life, but it made me stronger than ever. It somehow made life feel real.

While on public eyes I lost my better half, in reality I lost so much more.

I lost a piece of me that I will never get back.

Take good care of it.

All the best,
Mohd Zailee




My mind is now with this song... masa dah bangun ke masa nak tidur, tengah gosok gigi muka kaki ketiak jari-jemari waima masa study or dalam kelas lagu ni berlegar-legar dalam minda Dalin...



ugghh... diorang letak minyak senyonyong ke apa ni.. very addictive... berhantu betul...



Original song is actually Despascito from Luis Fonsi which is in latin version, pastu Justin Bibir Bieber ada buat version diorang pulak in English feat Daddy Yankee.. lepas tu datang anak Melayu Singapore jadikan Malay Version dengan tajuk Incognito.. cerita pasal perempuan tinggalkan sang lelaki, tapi si lelaki tak kisah pun sebab ramai yang menunggu.. haha.. Then ada female malay version pulak konon lawan balik lagu ni dengan sang perempuan memberikan alasan tinggalkan lelaki tu sebab tak solat 5 waktu and so on as if  "menghalalkan" untuk perempuan tu curang.. hahaha.. gitu la kisahnya.. tapi ianya hanya lagu je.. Don't take it serious ye.. Nak dengar yang female version?? Aaahh korang cari sendiri.. haha.. personally I love this version better dari yang female tu.. this is more catchy and meaningful...



Sebenarnya geng lelaki dalam lagu ni dengan geng perempuan tu geng diorg juga...



The talent behind this song is from MrGraphsman™ or boleh check FB page diorg MrGraphsman

Tahu tak on this day, view di YouTube nak dekat 1M views with 995,783 views... Sikit je lagi,,



...and the people behind it...?



Dzar Ismail Penyanyi kedua/Rapper

Muhammad Nizam Sa'im

Muhamad Noh Bin Sapari

Jufri Salim

Aidil Akmal Penyanyi yang suara lunak tu..

Imm Streamways



Hopefully you guys will fall in love with this song.. because I know I do... :)


Hi Blog
I missed you...

The blog period is already over. 
No more blog walking..
No more famous bloggers to follow..
Most of them even deleted their blogs..
Or just let it be with no updates, untouched..

Hence I haven't put any "Assalamualaikum my sugar plump readers"
as I know there will be no more readers left..

so why updating?
Just because..

Sometimes this blog of mine is like a quite place for me to find peace..
To let out those monsterious thoughts..
or any kind of rubbish to not to throw at FB-but-just-kinda-let-it-all-out

Any new update about me?
Not much.. But here's a photo of me.. lol..


Oh I'm nearing my final exams now..
ughh.. tears and more tears..
anxious..
scared.. 
but its okay..
Allah ada..

What's my goal after this degree....?

Hmm.. good question..
But me, myself is still uncertain about it..
maybe into health sciences professional courses?
Maybe further to postgrad?
or.. umm.. not sure...
Im not gonna think about this yet..
Don't cross the bridge until you come to it...

tu je kot my bebelan for now...
nothing much..
but I'm certainly happy with my life.. 
haha.. sape kata being single is painful...?
Its actually a fun life without having to have more and more commitment!
*yeay me*

Okay.. Daaa..
Adios
believed by American Indians to give its owner good dreams.


I think I might need it...

Coz I want to catch my dreams..

I want to migrate..

I want to have a good job, and finally settle down..

Where there will be just me and my small little family..

I want to chill with my S.O drinking hot drinks..

Either tea, choc or coffee..

with homemade cakes or cookies..

while watching our kids playing at the backyard..

Oh I haven't bake anything since I'm back in NZ.. :(

I want my kids to love animals..

So we might adopt cats..

I want to lead a happy lifestyle, and follow my S.O to gym

or we can stroll down the park together with our kids..

I want our kids to cry, when their Dada needs to go somewhere,

and hug him tight, when their Dada is safely back home..



I want to have a decent dinner, and full up my S.O and the kids with my homemade food..

The food that I've been learning to make since ages..

Just for this..



But... I wonder..

Is that possible?

I can't even see the future..

I can't even see the hints..

or even one bit of it..



or..

Maybe the life that I dream of..

Is not meant for me..?


Its hard you know..

To find someone to love..

and to be loved..

to start again, the new journey of relationship..

To give your heart, and to take his heart..

To make him see your bad, and for you to accepts his..

To slowly give your trust, and also takes his..

To put your ego away, and second yourself..

So your small little family will always be first..


But..

Do you know what is the hardest part?

To love someone without them knowing..

To hold them in your heart since ages ago..

To see them in relationship, while your heart ached..

To see them in pain from heartbroken, but you can't be there..

and the worst is, to see them with another person..

Your heart sank..

You cursed them in silent..


But..

You can't do anything..

Coz you never talk.. You never text..

You never had the chance to tell them..

Coz you're so afraid, that the dream you held,

will be crushed in a blink of an eye..


It's too painful..

That when you should pray for yourself, family and friends,

instead you begged to God to wipe out the feeling..

you cried to God so that He can make you better..

you plead to God so you could forget them..


Because it is too painful,

you blocked them everywhere..

in media socials..

in public..

you avoided them..

but it doesn't even matter,

coz they never knew you existed..

so in the end, you're the one that kept on looking for them...


and till now..

you still beg to God...

to replace them with someone better..

you ask from God..

to help you move on..

Instead, your love grew stronger..

and the pain gets more intense..

till its hard to breath..





and till forever, you just remained as nobody to their eyes...






Assalamualaikum my sugar plump readers (do i still have one?)


This is my first ever post in 2017.
yea i know its too late. im so lame
*facepalm*

Still, better than nothing kan? haha..

any new update about me?

Nov 2016
Balik Malaysia for semester break
Putus cinta :'(
Being single again *yeay* :D

Feb 2017
 my beloved cat Ling died.. :'(
this one i cannot tahan, even thinking of her makes me wanna cry..
I really miss her.. I miss her so much..
I miss her day and night..
Every night i would always look back through the pictures and videos of her..
gemok tembam gebus mulus notty mcm dalin..
(yes, hence the name Ling! lol)
Sometimes I would be pissed off.. sebab benda boleh elakkk..!
She hasnt been vaccinated, so she had this evil virus..
and her body cannot tahan anymore with the infection..
both of Liing and Caramel (my other notty cat) got infected with the nasty virus..
the vet suspect they got it from outdoor cats..
mmg byk kucing jantans nak ngorat diorg.. comey kan.. hukhuk..
but only Caramel fights the infection..
and sometimes i would feel really pissed off with Ling because she wont even try to fight it..
but.. maybe the virul is so kuattt she cant even fight it.. :'(

I missed having to wake up with these two furballs at the end of my bed..

Ling left, Caramel right

So can you guys imagine how I sleep on my own bed?
yes, i squish myself into a ball just to avoid kicking them! hahaha..

then a week after my precious Ling died, I have to go back to New Zealand..
Now I'm here in Dunedin..
phew my days are quite hectic..
i have another 2 years and I'm planning to find a job here...
migrate here for good..

what about my family?
ala.. diorg can visit me anytime what..
or I'll go back to Malaysia.. hihihi..

for sure one thing is, Im gonna adopt cats once i'll have a job!
i need to pour my love somewhere kan? hahaha...

tu je la kot about my life..
boring kan? 
sbb tu la lama tak update!
hahahaha...

okaayy bye!


Assalamualaikum my sugar plump readers!

Cukup 2 bulan dah boleh beranak dah..
hahaha..
statement gila maut..

no..no..
tak..tak..
bukan.. bukan..
nehi.. nehi..

Its just that Ive been here (DUNEDIN) for 7 months now!!
*throw confetti everywhere*

Gladly takde la home sick pun..
ok ada..
tapi sikit jer.. ciput jer..
sumpah ciput.. hihi..
hahaha.. sebab rindu kucing lebih...!
Lagipun parents nak datang after my final exams nanti..
kira ok la kan.. boleh jenjalan pulak kan..kan..kan..

So Im gonna do the Terobek aka Throwback of what ive been doing here,,

actually bosan je my life sebab duit non hado...
kena jimat cermat amalan mulia..
if they offered me to go somewhere, then I'll tag along.. lol..

so I'm just gonna share the pictures with some captions okay?

Enjoy..!

BERSATU GAMES: A sport event of Malaysian Students all over NZ which held every year, and this year was held in DUNEDIN!

BERSATU GAMES
Malaysia's traditional dishes for Eid festival (1st of Syawal , muslim month after one months of fasting)

Some of the guest who came! Kak Lia and Kak Mala.. thanks!

An amazing preparation by me! Cook everything by myself. Nasi Lemak, Meehun Sup, ketupat nasi, lemang,  rendang ayam, kuah kacang.

Some of the guest. Sorry about the lighting. hihi

The second Food Festival for this year!

yummeyh! Mango Lassi from Indian stall, Veggie Dumplings from South Korean stall, and Mee Curry from Malaysian!  

Meet and Greet for new Malaysian students.

Beautiful Malaysian ladies. This is during the International Cultural Festival

Some of the locals are trying Malaysian traditional costume. (ehem.. except the one in the middle lol)

Kia Ora! I went to the Maori's stall at the International Cultural Festival and got it paint!

Baldwin Street, the steepest street on earth!

Baldwin Street

Baldwin Street
Tunnel Beach. Amazing and stunning view. just the track that is not amazing! hahahahah...
it took me ages to climb back up to the parking area!
Can you see the Tunnel? Hence the name, Tunnel Beach. if its during the low tide, you can walk underneath it.

Tunnel Beach
Albatross Center

One of the biggest event in Dunedin by Malaysian Students, MALAM MALAYSIA 2016,
with this year title of Against The Current (Menongkah Arus)

This two ladies are my flatmates and they are apart of the Malam Malaysia crews

Told ya its a BIG HIT! they made it into Otago Daily Times newspaper!


 That's all for now..

tata..

xoxo


Assalamualaikum..

Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time..?

Yes.. Yes I would..

*tears*