Painful

Dear God,

Why can't you let me move on..?
It hurts so bad..
I've been hurting myself since 7 years ago..
*sigh*

Please let this feeling fades away... :(

the more I try to let it go, the more it haunts me..
the harder I pushed, the faster it chases me..

God can make things impossible to be possible, and possible to become impossible, so please.. turn this feeling into hate and make me move on...

sincerely,

Dalin.

Must be freaking weird to suddenly seeing my post like this.. like.. er.. can't you just lift your hands up and just pray to God like what normal people would do rather than F-ing putting it up in your blog? 

Ehem.. well.. yeah.. I kinda did that already.. like thousand times..?

I just can't.. I need to let it out somewhere.. so yeah.. my blog is where I vomit all my lovey dovey weird crush slash feelings stuff..LOL..

yup 7 years of having a crush on fucking stupid someone who dont even know you've been falling for him since the beginning of earth.. hahaha..

You know what.. I've watch movies and dramas.. and when this similar stuff happened, I'll be screaming, "weehh bodoohh bagi tau lah mamat tu ko suka diaa..!!" or "!@#$%^ just tell him already!!" but when the same shit happened to me, and I've been holding this feeling for 7 years (and counting) now, I can't even tell anyone..

so yeah peeps out there, just pray for me please, that this stupid feeling will turn into hate..and please pray that I can finally move on.. 

uh.. and please, No dream.. I dont want any dream related to him..Noooooo...!  and NO suddenly of "ohhh the other day I met him" says my dad or "ohhh u know what, I met his dad/brother/mother/sister/in laws/cats/mouse/car/TV etc the other day" says my fam..

last year 2016, I managed to FINALLY MOVE ON when i saw a post of him and his new GF.. i was seriously sumpah wallahi "OMG.. KAK NINA (my sis), HE is NOW with XXXX!! Syukur alhamdulillahhh".

then yeah.. something bad happened.. i dream of him when I did not ONE BIT missed him or had any feeling for him whatsoever... I woke up. in the middle of the night. crying because of that stupid faggot dream, that I had to text my sister who's ALLLLL THE WAAAYYYY back in MALAYSIA.

Its like my heart never allowed me to leave him alone.

Okay so listen now. Here's the "BEST" part of having a crush on him.

I'm not trying to ruin someone''s else relationship.. at ALL!

So i've been stalking his MedSoc and also his new GF's.

I dont mind this. I dont have any slightest bit of jealousy in me seeing their picture together.

my intentions are just to see that he's healthy, he is happy, he's doing great.. that's all.. 

yup even if it wasnt me. or us. I just want to know that he's in good hands..

But the most devastating part is, he suddenly disappeared from the web world.

No FB. 

No IG

No Twitter

No whatsover updates about him!

His GF's MedSoc? Also nothing.

His fam's MedSoc about him? Zero!

So my mind is not at peace rn.

Worried maybe? Something bad might happened to him? Did he encounter any heartbroken again?

I just cant stand him being sad and devastated.. :(

Yeah.. emm.. So wherever you are.. whatever you're doing rn... I hope you're doing well..

I will always pray for the best for you.. Amin..

Stay Strong.

Be Strong.

Work and Study Smart. 

^_^