Be like water that is calm in the river..
But when there is obstacle, you still be the winner..
You just go rough, you don't look around.. but you just go..
and when you have to, you sliced through the cracks..

Be like water, so you can reach the furtherst point..
Even at the coldest place you are still there, but in a different form..
Even at the hottest place, you helped to soothe..
Even the biggest flame, you can make it tame..

Be like water, even you've reached far..
Like in the sky there's the brightest star..
You still know where you'd come from..
Even if its just a mere of H2O..

Be like water, formless and shapeless..
So no one can grab and squeeze you..
Just tell them they need to becareful..
Coz you can wipeout the world if you need to..

Be like water, you help to give life
coz everyone in this world needs to survive
If you dont help them in need,
then dont be a greed

-Dalin 18/2 02:20-
Dear God,
Why can't you let me move on..?
It hurts so bad..
I've been hurting myself since 7 years ago..
Please let this feeling fades away... 
the more I try to let it go, the more it haunts me..
the harder I pushed, the faster it chases me..
God can make things impossible to be possible, and possible to become impossible, so please.. turn this feeling into hate and make me move on...

Must be freaking weird to suddenly seeing my post like this.. like.. er.. can't you just lift your hands up and just pray to God like what normal people would do rather than F-ing putting it up in your blog? 

Ehem.. well.. yeah.. I kinda did that already.. like thousand times..?

I just can't.. I need to let it out somewhere.. so yeah.. my blog is where I vomit all my lovey dovey weird crush slash feelings stuff..LOL..

yup 7 years of having a crush on fucking stupid someone who dont even know you've been falling for him since the beginning of earth.. hahaha..

You know what.. I've watch movies and dramas.. and when this similar stuff happened, I'll be screaming, "weehh bodoohh bagi tau lah mamat tu ko suka diaa..!!" or "!@#$%^ just tell him already!!" but when the same shit happened to me, and I've been holding this feeling for 7 years (and counting) now, I can't even tell anyone..

so yeah peeps out there, just pray for me please, that this stupid feeling will turn into hate..and please pray that I can finally move on.. 

uh.. and please, No dream.. I dont want any dream related to him..Noooooo...!  and NO suddenly of "ohhh the other day I met him" says my dad or "ohhh u know what, I met his dad/brother/mother/sister/in laws/cats/mouse/car/TV etc the other day" says my fam..

last year 2016, I managed to FINALLY MOVE ON when i saw a post of him and his new GF.. i was seriously sumpah wallahi "OMG.. KAK NINA (my sis), HE is NOW with XXXX!! Syukur alhamdulillahhh".
then yeah.. something bad happened.. i dream of him when I did not ONE BIT missed him or had any feeling for him whatsoever... I woke up. in the middle of the night. crying because of that stupid faggot dream, that I had to text my sister who's ALLLLL THE WAAAYYYY back in MALAYSIA.

Its like my heart never allowed me to leave him alone.

Okay so listen now. Here's the "BEST" part of having a crush on him.

I'm not trying to ruin someone''s else relationship.. at ALL!
So i've been stalking his MedSoc and also his new GF's.
I dont mind this. I dont have any slightest bit of jealousy in me seeing their picture together.
my intentions are just to see that he's healthy, he is happy, he's doing great.. that's all.. 
yup even if it wasnt me. or us. I just want to know that he's in good hands..

But the most devastating part is, he suddenly disappeared from the web world.
No FB. 
No Twitter
No whatsover updates about him!

His GF's MedSoc? Also nothing.
His fam's MedSoc about him? Zero!

So my mind is not at peace rn.
Worried maybe? Something bad might happened to him? Did he encounter any heartbroken again?
I just cant stand him being sad and devastated.. :(

Yeah.. emm.. So wherever you are.. whatever you're doing rn... I hope you're doing well..
I will always pray for the best for you.. Amin..

Stay Strong.
Be Strong.
Work and Study Smart. 

Assalamualaikum my sugar plump readers!
Emm.. Do i still have my readers..? LOL

Ape-ape je lah ye.. 
This is still my blog so I have the right nak beletiaq segala mak nenek kannn..

Before that, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018 gaiiisss!!!
*yeah I know I'm 10 days late huhu, but better than 10 months late kan kan kan*

My new year resolution?


I'm just nervous and excited for 2018!

coz after nearly 3 years staying here in NZ, ive finally met a special friend whom I'm proud to say my best friend.. the first time I met this friend, I feel the click instantly..
Please God, hopefully this person will be my friend till forever.. aminn...

and for this 2018, I'm also apart of the Otago Malaysian Students Association (OMSA) commitee

Is my passion and love towards FOOD/COOKING that obvious? lol

Frankly speaking, I dont have any wish/intention to be in some sort of relationship this year..
I just wanna focus and take care of myself better than before..
I'm not gonna put myself last..
I'm not gonna be a cheapskate to myself anymore..

And I badly wanna focus more with my studies..
Gladly I've found a 24 hours study place that I can crash anytime I want..!

but I dont wanna have high hopes with 2018.. 
coz when u hope too high..
you''re gonna fall badly till you hurt yourself..

I'll just go with, "What happens, happens.. Don't cross the bridge until you come to it.. every problems have solutions.."

so.. 2018..

please be nice to me..

Hi y'aalls..

Sekarang ni Dalin nak bebel pasal makeup..

Sebab I'm not a big fan of makeup.. dulu ye lah..

tapi sekarang ni jadi makin malas pulak nak up to date with the latest makeup on Earth.. 

Bukan apa, banyak kali tertipu bila beli make up especially kebanyakkan local products sebab kantoi banyak product tiruan yang timbang kilo tu.. padahal kita nak support anak tempatan kan..

dan sebab ni lah malas nau nak tahu apa-apa hal pasal makeup... kalau dulu pantang, zuss zass zuuss zass beli! tapi tu dulu lahhh...

But there's this one particular local product menarik minat Dalin..  DOLLANIS namanya..

sebab DOLLANIS ni ada juai lipmattes, texture setanding dengan overseas branded product..! 

serious tak tipu..!!  melembabkan bibir and kaler dia sangat lah gorgeous!

The famous ones are the Nude colors "The Nude Collection by Dollanis", the color is so soft, earth tone and suits for everyday makeup..

The Nude Collection by DOLLANIS

Seriously I really love the texture.. plus bila korang minum air kan, 

bekas minum tu takde lekat kesan lipmatte tu.. serious cakap! 

The Nude Collection by Dollanis ni  comes in a cute box dengan tiga ketoi lipmatte, code 01, 02 and 03.

Oh and this Lipmatte ni ada kelulusan KKM tau..  so yesss bukan product timbang kilo bagai..

and they will re-new it every year to sustain the quality of this product..

01 : NOT170702959K
02: NOT170702958K
03 : NOT170702957K
So this is the color of The Nude Collection code 01, 02 and 03
It is just RM50 for this cute box with 3 code colors of lipmatte! Gila murah kan..

So that you can  ubah-ubah kaler yang korang nak everyday rather than sticking to just one color..

Plus the quality is really good.. so in a nutshell, RM50 for these 3 lip-mattes is a really damn good investment..
So, it a YAY for me!! So kalau korang minat dengan make up, or a lip-matte lover just whatsapp me at 019-5973730 . Gerenti korang akan puas hati!
Sekarang ni aku rajin beno layan YouTube Thinker Studio..
So, yes one of the topic is psl benda bodoh yang members Thinker Studio pernah buat sbb cinta..

well.. once kau jatuh cinta.. kau automatic jadi bodoh weh..
sbb tu org tua-tua kata cinta tu buta.. 
eh..? mat salleh pun sebut "love is blind" okay..
sbb dia boleh buat buat benda yg sebelum ni tak pernah dibuat..
dia buat otak kau kacau.. perut kau serabut.. jiwa racau..
eh macam ada pengalaman kan? LOL

benda bodoh pernah aku buat? 

"Benda bodoh pernah aku buat sampai skg ni is stalk crush aku... aku stalk dr dia single, kenal perempuan lain.. kapel sampai tahap nk kawin dgn perempuan tu.. putus dgn perempuan tu.. single balik, dan skg dia dgn relationship dgn perempuan lain.. tp aku masih lg stalk.. sedih and pathetic kan hidup aku? huhu..."

sedih gila kan..

aku pernah keciwi dalam percintaan..
dialah mamat yg pertama aku betul2 syg (masa tu laa.. thn 2010)
tapi putus sebab dia curang..
maybe Allah nak pelihara aku kot masa tu..
aku masa tu memang sayang bagai nak rak.. i was dead inside..
it took me almost 2 years for me to finally move on..
but now sometimes he look for me and ask to be with him back.. Gila apa??
guess what i did?
BLOCK him..! yes.. i blocked him tanpa sekuman rasa sayang..
padahal dulu hari-hari stalk.. hari-hari bergelinang air mata weh..
dan sekarang dah takde langsung! macam magic..

but because of him, I become stronger and stronger..
Then I met the next guy..
Dah tu.. this next guy pulak minta putus, sbb dia ada perempuan lain yang KURUS..
aku iye kan aje..
kau taknak aku, kau belah je dari nak main2kan hati aku kan?
and guess what.. takde setitik air mata! Sumpah demi Allah..
family aku especially my sister layan aku baik giler.. sbb igtkan aku dalam emotional crisis..
siap sempat pesan, "kalau hang nak nangis dalin, nangis jaa.."
mak aku siap pesan kat siblings aku utk bg ruang kt aku.. haha..
oh and FYI, laki ni kawan abg aku.. beriya abg aku kenalkan dia utk aku lupakan mamat pertama tu..
And one day tiba-tiba masa aku dalam kelas, mak aku call..
sangat rare kalau mak aku call waktu aku dalam kelas.. 
sebab ingatkan kes emergency, aku angkat lah..
rupanya this next guy call mak aku (aku sendiri tertanya mana kau dpt number mak aku?) sebab nak number aku.. so mak aku call utk minta izin boleh ke bg number.. so aku izinkan lah..
lepas aku letak phone tu.. laju je mamat tu call aku.. tapi aku tak angkat sebab dalam kelas kan.. plus aku xnak dengar suara dia.. jelik! aku igt nak sms je (zaman xde wassap lg)
tapi dia tak henti call.. nak tak nak aku angkat jugak..
apa sebab dia call??
nak minta maaf.. after 1.5 years kami putus.. hahaha.. lawakk..
I didnt say I forgive him. aku just kata "haa.. ok" ulang2..

disebabkan mamat pertama tu lah hati aku keras.. 
kalau aku ada suka kt seseorang tp aku direject (haha sedihnya..), dan bila ttba seseorang tu contact aku balik, memang takdenye aku nak layan or terima balik... 
aku sejenis manusia yang tak suka jilat ludah balik..

meanwhile aku dalam percintaan yang tidak menjadi tu..
aku ada crush kt sorang ni.. tapi aku tak pernah bagi tahu sebab aku segan dan malu..
I've been stalking him since dia single, lepas tu jumpa awek ni.. dan serious dgn awek ni.. ttba putus dgn awek ni.. 
(mesti korang igt ni happy news kan? NOPE! hahaha)
After being single for awhile, dia kenal2an dengan awek lain pulak, 
dan sekarang dah bercinta dgn awek lain..
sedih giler kan hidup aku..
aku jadi tukang pemerhati ja..
Somehow dengan mamat ni aku tak dapat nk move on..

Bila aku berjaya move on sampai lah aku ternampak gambar yang dia happy with that girl,
aku jerit ketuk bilik kakak aku and said..
'Kak Nina!! Alhamdulillah XYZ dgn ABC!! I'm really happy to see them happy"
and sumpaahh aku betul-betul happy.. sebab aku tak suka tengok dia sedih masa dia putus dgn perempuan sebelum tu..

Aku berjaya move onnnnn wehhhh.. 
serious cakap.. takde stalk apa dah..
aku tak heran langsung weh.. 
Sampai laah.........
Tiba-tiba aku mimpi dia.. 
bull shit kaaann! haha..
kerap sangat mimpi.. dalam seminggu tu mau 3 kali... dan mimpi tu setiap minggu pulak tu..
ciss.. binawe betul..
paham-paham lah benda kita mimpi ni kita rasa macam real sgt..
everything seems real, the face, the speech, the touch (tgn je ok.. xde tempat lain woii.. jgn pikir bukan2) 
and even emotion!
masa ni aku marah sgt rasa.. aku terus lari ambik wudhuk dan solat.. 
aku nangis esak2 minta Allah stopkan mimpi tu..
aku pulun mintak Allah buang perasaan yang ttba dtg sbb mimpi2 tu..
I still remember it was around 4AM..
I texted my sister nangis-nangis.. dah la aku jauh kt sini.. kakak aku kt Msia.. 
aku dah tak tahan sangat.. aku minta sangat-sangat utk move on dengan laki yang tak pernah sedar kewujudan aku ni..
dan sekarang ni dah tetap jadi doa aku selepas solat aku.. 
minta Allah buang perasaan tu.. 
minta aku boleh move on macam mana aku pernah move on sebelum ni..

but it seems doa aku tak termakbul-makbul lagi..
aku tak dapat nak move on dgn crush ni..
memang aku rasa bodoh, bangang, sadis, pathetic sebab tak dpt nak move on lagi..
so aku minta maaf lah ye wahai crush.. aku sedang berusaha ni nak lupakan hang..
dont worry aku bukan perempuan jahat nak jahanamkan hubungan orang.. 
aku sendiri tak tahu pasal apa.. hang sorang ja yang buat aku tak boleh nak move on..
asal dapat move on je aku mimpi kau..
sampai bila terbangun tu aku tak sengaja maki-maki kau..
sebab seriously aku nak lupakan kau.. tapi hati aku xnak..

so sekarang, biarlah jadi macam mamat pertama tu.. 
only time will heal..
bezanya aku tak pernah ada apa-apa hubunga dgn this crush..
dan crush aku ni pun tak tahu aku wujud pun.. hahahaha...

well, itu je kot kisah aku.. panjang gila rasa..
saja nak kongsi benda bodoh aku pernah (dan masih) buat sebab cinta.. lulz..

I was on FB scrolling down the newsfeeds.. then I saw this post, it was damn long but worth to read! I can feel warm liquid draining from my eyes rolling down my cheeks.. So I want to share this post in my blog.. because this is exactly how I feel when I'm in relationship but you have to end it... Happy reading... 

To whom it may concern.

I thought you were the most beautiful thing in the world.

I never imagined you and I, out of all the people in this world, would go through something so devastating as we did.

We created the most beautiful memories. We climbed all the way to the top together, only to slip and fall as soon as we got there. And though I may have contributed to that fall, I tried so hard to hold on to you.

My heart shattered into a million pieces. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t save us. I couldn’t undo what had been done, and I let you go to find your true happiness.

All I ever wanted was my own family. Every day, I dreamed of falling in love with a woman, getting married, buying a beautiful home and one day bringing our own little bundle of joy into the world.

I guess it goes without saying that you made all of that feel real for me; you helped make most of those dreams come true. I wanted nothing more than to be the best husband, a romantic lover, the most selfless provider, a strong protector, and one day, the world’s best dad.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I loved you so much. All those things I wanted to be, I couldn’t imagine with anyone but you.

Our life together - it was like paradise. We ran carefree in this theme park we call life. Holding each other’s hands, we laughed, cried, loved, and we were in awe of everything we experienced. We were children with dreams, and together, we thought about the day when all of ours would come true.

Eventually, though, those roller coasters stopped. The music died down, the lights shut off, and our magical journey came to an abrupt halt.

You were gone.

Suddenly, everything that was so familiar about life felt so foreign. I was lost without you. All I had left were my memories and dreams of us that I knew would never come true.

There are a few things that I never had the opportunity to tell you...

Every time I called you, I looked forward to hearing you answer the phone. You would say my name in this voice that sound so innocent and so loving. And it never changed. It always reminded me of the beginning of our relationship and all of the reasons I fell in love with you. Who would have thought something so simple could be so powerful? It’s what made you unique.

Remember all the times you yelled at me when I was looking at you? You’d ask me why, and I would either laugh or get angry. You know what? I looked at you because I thought you were the most beautiful thing in the world. I didn’t care what you were wearing; whether you had makeup on. I’d look at you and get lost in your laugh and your smile. Whatever flaws you believed you had, I loved how you’d look in the mirror and always suck in your stomach; how you always analyzed every picture we took together and made me delete them, nine times out of 10; how you’d pace around on the phone when you were nervous. Or how about how you loved to be on video? I noticed everything. But I loved it.

How about your birthday, when we arrived at the store and got the fine pair of shoes, only to find out it was made for men. Yet you still want it and use it until today because it was given by me. I still remember when you fall asleep in one of our journey. I kept thinking about getting to marry you one day and having the opportunity to experience that moment over and over again. You looked so peaceful, and it reminded me of the responsibility I had to protect you, always.

I will never forget picking up the phone and answering you, asking me to get ready and meet you at our favorite place so we could grab dinner. It was spontaneous, I know, and in hindsight, not very well-planned. I didn’t care, though.

I wanted to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me, and I guess I just couldn’t hope for anything anymore.

Your book had been sitting in my room for three months in its green cover. Every time I looked at it, I would think back to that day in KLCC bookstore when I first laid eyes on you.

I thought about us being kids, not having anything but each other. I thought about the dreams we shared, and how I was so ready to spend the rest of my life with you. You helped shaped me into the man I was becoming, and this was a representation of my love and appreciation for you.

You were my best friend. I wanted so much more for the both of us.

Sometimes, though, we have to accept the unexpected.

Our worlds need to fall apart, so we can put them back together the way they were meant to be.

There’s nothing more important to me than your happiness, and knowing you have that means the world to me. Our lives took different paths, but that can never take away from the memories we shared.

As for me? I’m happy. I’ve found peace. I am busier than ever with work, I found a new passion with writing, and I’ve been rebuilding a life that was once in a million pieces.

I still dream of having a family. I still dream of holding my own child. Of course, I still dream of falling in love and finding my true happiness.

I’m much of the same Zailee you knew, but so much different.

You see, too many people live with hate in this world. Those same people live with anger and fear.

I’m not one of those people.

I’m disappointed we never got to finish writing our happily ever after, but I’ll never be angry. I’ll never hate you, and I’ll never be dishonest about my emotions. God gave me this amazing opportunity to love. It brought me to so many beautiful places, taught me so much about life and gave me memories I’ll cherish forever. How can I ever be angry about that?

I want to say thank you. Thank you for all the awesome dates, fun food, and for making me think this is what love truly is. I do not want you thinking this was all a facade, I really did believe it was love.

But, I want to thank you for teaching me how to love. I learned a lot about myself in this enduring process. I learned that I am a loving person deep down, when originally I was a “no feelings” type of guy. I learned that I have the capability to love, and it takes a lot to bring it out. I learned I am a very caring person, probably too caring at times, but I care a lot about people who care about me. You taught me to be open and say what is on my mind, sometimes good and sometimes bad.

You taught me how to argue and to watch what I say. Sometimes I wouldn’t have a filter, but I learned to be careful with my word choices because you shouldn’t hurt the ones you love.

I also learned that not everyone loves like I do. I can’t force anyone to love and care like I do. Everyone loves and cares differently, and I need to find the right person that I am compatible with.

You also taught me that sometimes love is about letting go. But just like the seasons, people change. You were no longer the person I thought I loved, but you became someone I had to try to change.

I learned there is a difference between possession and love. Company doesn’t mean security and attention aren’t contracts. I learned the value of myself, and that I am way better than I ever thought I was. It took me a while, but now I can look in the mirror and be happy with myself and be so free. I am no longer a chained down soul, but a happy person that I know deserves better.

To your parents, sister, brother — tell them I always loved them as if they were my own, and I’m sorry if I never lived up to their expectations. I knew how much they loved you. I knew what kind of man they wanted for you, and God knows, I did everything I could to make sure I was just that. You are a good sister and a great daughter. One day you will become a loving mother. Another qualities that makes me adores you until this moment.

And finally, to you — I’m sorry for anything I may have ever done to hurt you. More than anything, I wanted to spend forever with you by my side, and to one day add our own little peanut who would join us for the ride. Everything I did in my life was to ensure yours would be all you dreamed it to be. I wanted to give you the world.

Unfortunately, I fell short.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have held you tighter during our first date and picked a movie that never ended.

I’m not perfect, and I never want people to think that I am. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve done things I’m not proud to admit, and I’ve made decisions I wish I could take back. But I loved someone with every bone in my body, with every beat of my heart, and every inch of my soul. It wasn’t perfect, but I know for sure I loved with everything I had; I loved in such a way that your happiness was always mine. And I’m thankful for that.

I once told you I wish I could put into words how much I loved you and share it with the world; here’s my best shot at that promise.

Losing you may have been the most painful experience of my life, but it made me stronger than ever. It somehow made life feel real.

While on public eyes I lost my better half, in reality I lost so much more.

I lost a piece of me that I will never get back.

Take good care of it.

All the best,
Mohd Zailee

My mind is now with this song... masa dah bangun ke masa nak tidur, tengah gosok gigi muka kaki ketiak jari-jemari waima masa study or dalam kelas lagu ni berlegar-legar dalam minda Dalin...

ugghh... diorang letak minyak senyonyong ke apa ni.. very addictive... berhantu betul...

Original song is actually Despascito from Luis Fonsi which is in latin version, pastu Justin Bibir Bieber ada buat version diorang pulak in English feat Daddy Yankee.. lepas tu datang anak Melayu Singapore jadikan Malay Version dengan tajuk Incognito.. cerita pasal perempuan tinggalkan sang lelaki, tapi si lelaki tak kisah pun sebab ramai yang menunggu.. haha.. Then ada female malay version pulak konon lawan balik lagu ni dengan sang perempuan memberikan alasan tinggalkan lelaki tu sebab tak solat 5 waktu and so on as if  "menghalalkan" untuk perempuan tu curang.. hahaha.. gitu la kisahnya.. tapi ianya hanya lagu je.. Don't take it serious ye.. Nak dengar yang female version?? Aaahh korang cari sendiri.. haha.. personally I love this version better dari yang female tu.. this is more catchy and meaningful...

Sebenarnya geng lelaki dalam lagu ni dengan geng perempuan tu geng diorg juga...

The talent behind this song is from MrGraphsman™ or boleh check FB page diorg MrGraphsman

Tahu tak on this day, view di YouTube nak dekat 1M views with 995,783 views... Sikit je lagi,,

...and the people behind it...?

Dzar Ismail Penyanyi kedua/Rapper

Muhammad Nizam Sa'im

Muhamad Noh Bin Sapari

Jufri Salim

Aidil Akmal Penyanyi yang suara lunak tu..

Imm Streamways

Hopefully you guys will fall in love with this song.. because I know I do... :)